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09 March 2011 @ 12:29 pm
poem: one more time  
one more time
seven years later, my eyes blur with tears and i have to put the needle down. i've already stabbed myself with it once.  i push the sewing aside and let myself cry.

i can still see it so clearly in my mind, the big arched doorway, #2504. i haven't been to Queens in years, but i can feel the marble steps beneath my feet, i can hear the echo as i run upstairs. i can see the no smoking sign, and i can smell the cigarettes leaking out into the hallway. i can see your doorway, Nanny, and i'll never walk through it again. instead, i walk through the memory- still so alive. i touch the molding, i see the spots where paint dripped down and dried that way, i run my fingers over it. i walk into your kitchen, i see the butcher block table and the green 'fridge i know aren't there anymore. i see you sitting with your back to the stove. i see a pack of winstons.

i just want to hug you one more time. i can smell your clothes, i can feel your arms around me, i can hear your voice, calling me pet names i haven't heard for seven years.


what i wouldn't give just to be there one more time...

here is another poem- one i wrote seven years ago:

Mom always told us not to run on the marble steps; sometimes we just couldn't help ourselves.

(written today. also posted on allpoetry.com, will go up on deviantart.com soon.)
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i'm feelin': melancholymelancholy